The Quarter Life Dilemma

This blog post marks the “Golden Jubilee” of the “Rushin Speaks...” blog, so a hearty thanks to all the readers who stuck with me in this beautiful endeavor. Also this post, partly by coincidence and partly by manipulation, marks the Silver Jubilee of my so-far exciting and beautiful trips around the Sun. And hence, this post is about the transition and the dilemma that most people of our age face owing to the overwhelming possibilities of what we want to do and how much of it can be done realistically in the limited time that we have at our hand.

The first title that I had thought for this post was the popular phrase “Quarter Life Crisis”, but then looking back at what nature has bestowed me with, like a good job, much better friends and possibly the best family I could have asked for, saying that my life is a crisis would be unfair and ungrateful and hence, the term dilemma. Now this post may slightly go personal, or not everyone amongst us faces the exact same questions, which need to be answered. However, with slight changes in some parameters all of us 20-somethings would have already faced, are facing or may face in the recent future, some of these catch-22 situations.

The Psychological Impact of turning 25

Even the Vedas emphasize on the number 25, as the marking of the transition from “Brahmacharya Ashram” to the “Gruhasta Ashram”, which in simpler terms of Internet Lingo mean that the person’s status in Facebook or Orkut should go from Single to Committed and finally settle at Married. However, this thought itself brings shudders to many among us and yet, the fact that you turn 25, brings a psychological feeling to your parents and “other enthusiastic” family members to assume that you have now settled with work life and they can start processing your matrimonial formalities.

But, I am still NOT SURE...

About Education and Work Profession

While many of us are settled down with a job or an educational career, there will surely be some amongst us, who would still be trying to figure out how to go ahead with their own lives. There are people among us, who still dream of studying something, or taking some drastic decisions or risks.

For instance, you may be happy with your current job, but maybe the prospects of growth seem to be slowing down, and you think of making a switch. Or, there can be a more lucrative option available which offers you a much better chance of working provided you leave the city or the country, or a more drastic choice would be to return to your hometown or a city nearby and hence live closer to your family and friends.

About Commitment

The expert advice from our adults when we try to linger away from the topic of commitment, by defending our life’s uncertainty goes like, “Son, you will never be sure of where life will take you, so take the plunge and the two of you can figure it out together.” The fact that some of your friends start getting committed or married also catalyzes the process of people start discussing your marriage. In honest retrospection, I am not scared of having a person around who cares for us and helps us, but the very thought of bringing another person in our life does bring in some sort of complexities.

It is the additional responsibility that scares me. Getting married isn’t just a formal knot between two people, where one person goes to stay with the other person and hence pays half the rent if they stay in a rented apartment and splits the other expenses like maintenance and electricity bills. As a guy, getting a wife brings with it the additional responsibility of ensuring that the person, who left her home and family to become a part of your life always remains happy. This would also mean that the decisions like shifting to another city, or even another country would not just need an approval from yourself and the outcome of that decision should ensure that her wellbeing and happiness, and her job, if you may, is not impacted.

The BIG Questions

The dilemma of the Quarter life also brings me to two very important questions which need an answer. It is almost like the companies bring out the quarterly results about their status and future predictions.

Are you happy?

The first quarter of my life has been pretty fruitful. I got success, if you may consider it that way, with a decently high paying job and some quality education on the professional front and a very supportive and lovely set of friends and family on the personal front, but there are times when juggling the professional and the personal spheres of life make it complicated.

Looking back at my life, I see various happy moments, which make the journey worthwhile. Honestly I don’t really remember many sad moments, thanks to the grace of God, blessings of my elders and nature’s gift to allow us to memorize only what we want to. The current professional life however demands sacrifices like missing birthdays, other occasions and festivals since you are away from home. And yet, in the greater scheme of things, I believe it has been a wonderful first quarter of my life and am hopeful for the same experience in life ahead.

And the BIG question, which a lot of “elders” in the family bother me with “When do you think you will be ready for taking the next step for marriage?”

An honest answer is “I don’t know.” There is no shortcut to happiness and no shortcut to knowing where life while take you next. Looking back at my life, I have found that it is only the “Long-term” goals which we can plan, and most of the short-medium term goals that I planned have been modified by the events that followed the planning. So all I can say to my own life is “Surprise Me” again.

Final Verdict:

The title Final Verdict is put to only keep up with the spirit of the blog. There wouldn’t be a dilemma if I could have my own verdict.

Based on the various serious discussions which I have had with my elders and my colleagues and close comrades on the uncertain topics of life like marriage and profession in the future, the only thing certain about this uncertain situation is that buckle up and prepare well, but remember, that whatever you do, however much you prepare and ready yourself, it will never suffice.

And hence, the best solution for now seems to just flow with where the life take us. Trust your parents and trust your Guardian Angels, like the seat belts of the rollercoaster and take the thrill ride. The light at the end of the tunnel of confusion will appear when the time is right. Another turbulent and exciting quarter in the life of yet-another 25-year old kid, is just about to begin.